The temper tantrum isn’t just reserved for children of a certain age.
Unfortunately, we’ve probably all encountered (or seen online) an adult throwing a full-out tantrum. Awkward, right? And like most people, you probably think, “Aren’t we a little old for this?”
Whether it’s the coworker who sulks like a child when they don’t get their way or the friend who blows up over the smallest disagreements (or it’s been you misbehaving in such ways), it’s safe to say that this can be exhausting as the bystander or receiver (as well as the delivery person).
And if you’re thinking that this person might be emotionally immature… well, you nailed it on the head.
Emotional immaturity refers to a lack of development in the emotional skills necessary to navigate life’s challenges effectively.
It involves difficulties in managing and expressing emotions in a mature, healthy way.
But what if you’re the emotionally immature one?
Maybe you’ve noticed a few signs. You’re putting two and two together, and realizing you need to (to put it bluntly) grow up. Well, luckily, this article can help get you on the right path forward. Let’s dive in.
Are you emotionally immature? And what can you do to fix it?
What are Signs of Emotional Immaturity?
Signs of emotional immaturity can manifest in various behaviors and attitudes that reflect an inability to handle emotions and relationships in a mature, responsible manner.
Recognizing these signs can be the first step toward personal growth and improved emotional intelligence.
So, here are some common indicators of emotional immaturity:
- Inability to manage emotions: This can look like frequent overreactions to minor inconveniences or disappointments. It can also manifest as an inability to soothe oneself or regulate emotional responses effectively.
- Lacking empathy: Lack of empathy makes it difficult to recognize or relate to the feelings and needs of others, which can lead to perceived insensitivity or self-centeredness.
- Avoiding responsibility: Consistently blaming others or external circumstances for personal mistakes, failures, or misfortunes, rather than acknowledging one’s own role indicates emotional immaturity. This may also involve lying to get out of situations.
- Challenges in relationships or lacking close relationships: Challenges in sustaining healthy, stable relationships due to poor communication, inability to compromise, or lack of emotional depth can suggest emotional immaturity on some level.
- Over-relying on external validation: This refers to seeking constant approval, attention, or validation from others, with a low tolerance for criticism or rejection.
- Poor conflict resolution skills: You may find yourself avoiding difficult conversations or conflicts, or handling them inappropriately through aggression, passive-aggressiveness, or withdrawal.
- Lacking skills to adapt: This usually involves struggling to cope with change, stress, or adversity, often resorting to denial, avoidance, or wishful thinking rather than practical problem-solving.
Sound familiar?
Don’t worry; you can learn and grow – and gain emotional maturity, which will improve your life and happiness in various ways.
What is the Root Cause of Emotional Immaturity?
The root causes of emotional immaturity are often complex and multifaceted, involving a combination of personal experiences, environmental factors, and sometimes biological influences.
Some of these causes include:
- Childhood experiences
- Mental health issues
- Trauma
- Unmet emotional needs
- Lack of emotional education
- Personality differences
- Cultural or societal factors
- Neurological development
Can Being Emotionally Immature Be Fixed?
Yes, it’s entirely possible to gain and learn emotional maturity.
And it will take some patience, self-compassion, and practice.
So, with that in mind, here are some more direct approaches:
1. Adapt a Growth Mindset
Adopting a growth mindset is a powerful approach to overcoming emotional immaturity.
A growth mindset is the belief that one’s abilities and intelligence can be developed through dedication and hard work.
When applied to emotional development, a growth mindset fosters the idea that emotional intelligence and maturity are not fixed traits, but skills that can be cultivated over time. By embracing this mindset, individuals become more:
- open to feedback
- resilient in dealing with setbacks
- committed to personal growth
Related Article: The Victor and Victim Mindset & How to Flip the Script to Take Back Control→
2. Get Curious
Be curious about how other people feel and consider their perspective.
How would you feel if you were in their shoes?
Ask questions that can help you foster an understanding and gain a sense of others, especially in conflict or disagreements.
For example, instead of making an assumption regarding what someone is saying, ask! Ask if you’re understanding correctly, and make sure to communicate that you are open to being wrong.
What Does Humility Mean & 4 Ways You Can Become More Humble→
3. Journal About How You Feel
Understanding ourselves starts with reflection.
Next time you feel heightened, avoid acting on it. Instead, grab a piece of paper. Write out how you feel; anything and everything that comes to mind! Let it all out. Then sit back and take a few deep breaths.
Re-read what you wrote. Try to understand yourself and determine why you feel these feelings. It can also be important to challenge any extreme thoughts.
On top of this, it may also help to create personal affirmations that help give you a boost. This can foster positive self-talk and guide you toward a higher self-worth. In turn, you’ll be able to better adapt, as well as validate yourself (and avoid needing others to do so for you).
4. Take Responsibility
Learn to take accountability for your part in conflict or mistakes.
No one is perfect, and learning this can help you by leaps and bounds when it comes to personal growth. This also helps avoid the projection onto others. Additionally, it guides everyone to the source of the issues, helping resolve it that much more quickly and easily.
5. Assessing and Understanding Your Needs
Oftentimes, we can experience extreme emotions, like anger or sadness, when our emotional needs aren’t getting met.
However, the hard part is that it’s up to us to have them fulfilled. This means we need to communicate what we need, without the expectation that we will get it. We can always make requests of others, never demands.
At the same time, understanding your own needs can help you find internal ways to fulfill them. For instance, if you’re feeling overwhelmed, perhaps you need to schedule one of your vacation days sometime soon to look after yourself and take a break.
Being Emotionally Immature: Growth is Always Possible!
While it can take time and patience to see the results of your labor, growth is possible at any stage or age.
Discovering ways to enhance your emotional maturity can improve what matters the most: Your relationships with those closest to you. In turn, this can only lead to good things in life and increased satisfaction overall.
Related Article: Is Emotional Immaturity Lurking in Your Relationship? Know the Signs
Editor’s note: This article was originally published Feb 7, 2024 and has been updated to improve reader experience.
Photo by Yan Krukau