Have you ever caught yourself saying “sorry” for absolutely nothing?
Maybe you brushed past someone in the grocery store and suddenly you’re apologizing like you ran over their dog?
Or maybe you’ve dimmed your voice in a meeting, second-guessed your idea, or shrunk into the background just to avoid taking up too much space.
I have been there.
Somewhere along the way, many of us were taught (quietly or directly) that:
- confidence was too loud
- boldness was too much
- taking up space made us selfish, bossy, or hard to love
So we shrank.
We softened our opinions, lowered our volume, crossed our legs tightly, and tried not to disrupt the room, even when we were the ones being disrupted.
But here’s the truth: You weren’t meant to be small.
This post is your permission slip (and gentle nudge) to stop apologizing for existing and start standing tall – mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and yes, even physically.
Because owning your space isn’t arrogance; it’s self-respect. And it’s time.
The Shrinking Syndrome: What It Means and Where It Starts
Let’s talk about what it actually means to shrink.
Shrinking doesn’t always look dramatic. It’s often quiet. Subtle. Almost invisible. It’s:
- biting your tongue when you have something to say.
- choosing the back row instead of the front seat.
- constantly editing yourself to seem more likable, less “intense,” more palatable.
- saying yes when you want to scream no.
It’s a learned survival tactic.
Most of us don’t shrink for no reason. We shrink because we were taught to.
Maybe you were raised to be the “good kid,” the “peacemaker,” or the “don’t-cause-trouble” type. Maybe confidence was mistaken for arrogance in your household. Or maybe you learned that being quiet kept you safe from rejection, from judgment, or even from harm.
Society plays its part, too. Women, people of color, LGBTQ+ folks, and anyone who’s ever felt “different” know this script well: Don’t be too loud. Don’t be too emotional. Don’t be too smart. Don’t take up too much space.
So you shrink. Little by little.
But here’s the wild part: You don’t always know you’re doing it. Shrinking becomes muscle memory. You don’t think twice about saying, “just a quick question,” or crossing your arms to look smaller, or doubting your worth in a room full of people. It becomes your baseline.
Until one day, you notice the ache of holding yourself back and you realize you want more. You deserve more.
You deserve to expand.
Why It’s Time to Take Up Space
Taking up space isn’t about being loud, rude, or demanding attention.
It’s about letting yourself exist fully without guilt, without minimizing, and without stuffing your light into a corner just to make others more comfortable.
Because the truth is, shrinking doesn’t protect you. It disconnects you.
It cuts you off from your own voice, your own power, and your own presence. When you constantly try to be “less,” you end up with less; less joy, less confidence, fewer chances to be seen and celebrated for who you really are.
But here’s the shift: taking up space is not selfish. It’s necessary.
When you allow yourself to stand tall, speak clearly, and move through the world like you belong here (because you do), something powerful happens.
- You stop living for approval and start living in alignment.
- You set the tone for your relationships.
- You become magnetic, not because you’re trying to impress anyone, but because you’ve come home to yourself.
And maybe, just maybe, when others see you take up space, they’ll remember they’re allowed to do the same.
Ready to practice that kind of confidence? Let’s dive into how to actually start doing it today.
5 Ways to Start Owning Your Space Today
So how do you stop shrinking and start standing in your power without it feeling forced or fake?
You practice.
Like building a muscle, owning your space gets easier the more you do it. Here are five practical, confidence-building ways to get started right now:
1. Stand Tall, Literally
Your body speaks before your mouth ever does.
- Straighten your spine.
- Uncross your arms.
- Plant your feet firmly when you’re talking.
These tiny adjustments tell your nervous system (and everyone around you) that you belong right where you are. It’s not about puffing up; it’s about grounding down.
2. Speak Up Without Apology
Count how many times you say “sorry” or “just” in a day. (“Sorry to bother you,” “Just wondering if…”)
Now, try cutting those out. You’ll feel a little exposed at first, but that’s growth. Practice saying what you mean without the extra fluff. Your words deserve space too.
3. Claim Your Yes and Your No
Confidence lives in your boundaries.
Saying “yes” to something you want is powerful. But saying “no” to something that drains you? That’s next-level self-respect.
Every time you honor your energy instead of people-pleasing, you’re owning your space.
4. Dress Like You Mean It
Style isn’t shallow; it’s self-expression.
Whether it’s bold hair, a power blazer, or your favorite beat-up sneakers, wear what makes you feel alive. Your clothes can remind you of who you are before you even say a word.
5. Practice Visibility
Post the thing. Raise your hand. Join the conversation.
Step into the room even if your voice shakes. Visibility is vulnerable, but it’s also magnetic. When you let yourself be seen, you give others permission to be real too.
Owning your space isn’t about being fearless; it’s about showing up anyway. Keep reading to learn what to do when people don’t expect you to take up space… and how to stay grounded when that resistance shows up.
When People Aren’t Used to You Owning Your Space
Here’s the thing no one tells you: when you stop shrinking, not everyone will clap.
Some folks have gotten real comfy with the version of you that stays quiet, agreeable, and easy to manage.
When you start showing up differently – more confident, clearer, unapologetic – it can rattle them. You might get side-eyes. Snide comments. Subtle pushback. The energy might shift.
That’s not a sign to go back to hiding.
It’s a sign you’re growing.
When people are used to you dimming your light, your brightness can feel like a spotlight. But their discomfort isn’t your responsibility. You’re not being “too much”; they’re just not used to your enoughness taking up space.
Here’s how to stay grounded:
- Breathe through the tension. Feeling awkward or self-conscious is normal. Breathe. Let it pass.
- Don’t over-explain. You don’t owe people a TED Talk on your boundaries or confidence. A simple, “This feels right for me” is enough.
- Find your people. Not everyone will get it. But the right ones? They’ll cheer you on, not clip your wings.
Let this be your reminder: standing tall isn’t about being accepted by everyone. It’s about finally accepting yourself.
Confidence Is a Practice, Not a Personality
Confidence is not something you’re either born with or not.
It’s not reserved for the extroverts, the loud voices, or the people who seem to “have it all together.” Confidence is a skill. A practice. A choice you make over and over, especially on the days you feel shaky.
It doesn’t show up all at once.
It grows in tiny, courageous moments.
Like speaking your mind even when your voice trembles. Or showing up to the event solo. Or saying no without giving a long-winded excuse. It’s in those everyday moments where you choose yourself, again and again.
The more you do the brave thing, the more your nervous system learns, “Oh, we can handle this.” And slowly, steadily, you stop flinching at your own power.
Conclusion: You Were Never Meant to Be Small
The world doesn’t need another watered-down version of you.
It needs your full voice, your full presence, your real self, standing tall, setting boundaries, speaking truth, and not shrinking just to keep others comfortable.
So here’s your invitation: Stop apologizing for existing. Start owning your space.
Let this be the season you stop editing yourself to fit into rooms that were never built for your fullness. Take up space with your words, your body, your energy, your ideas, because you’re allowed to be here.